Are you happy?

I'm listening to Alicia Keys "Like you'll never see me again"

Love me like you'll never see me again.
(Get full lyrics here.)

Since I haven't had much time to write in my blog, I haven't been able to talk about my life and things that I've been through. I can say that I have had a lot of near death experiences. And I have loved move than once in my life. Each love I had was different and exciting in their own way, each one unique and different.

I pose the question "Are you happy?" because I know it is something that people don't always ask themselves. Everyone else, at least most of the people I care about most, ask this of everyone else, trying to fulfill everything they can so that the people they care about answer "Yes, I am." But do we really look at ourselves and ask if we're happy? Often times I think of human beings as selfish or only interested in benefiting for themselves...but when I really think of it, I think there are so many of us out in the world that are selfless...wanting everyone else happy before we ask ourselves if we're happy. If we cannot ask ourselves if we are happy, how much more do we do anything that makes ourselves happy.

A perfect example are my parents, I know they're happy, because us kids having a good life makes them happy. But they never once said, "I want this, it's ok if the kids don't go to the movies." They would sacrifice a meal, a desired dress, a night out just so our kids could buy a toy that would be played with for a while and then cast aside. As lovers (and I mean that in a non-romantic way), humans always put their loved ones before themselves, no questions asked.

I bring this up because I had a hard day today, frustrated about some petty thing about my friends forgetting to ask me to join them for JPW dinner. This upset me greatly, but I tried to not let it show. When Michael visited me later he knew something was wrong, and eventually ended up trying to get me a spot near my friends for JPW so I wouldn't be all alone, even offering to give up his weekend to spend at JPW with me and my parents. Michael always seems to sacrifice for my happiness. Yet, I still ask myself "Am I happy?"

Yes, I am happy with the direction my life is going. Yes, I'm blessed to be here at this university, here with my amazing boyfriend, here. Just plain here. I am so blessed to be alive and live each day. God gives me all that I need to survive (otherwise I wouldn't be alive, right?). Yet, sometimes I feel that there is something lacking. Whether it be missing old friends, or the yearning to start the rest of my life, but I just seem to sometimes feel like I need more in life. Yet, there are days where nothing can be better.

I know that everyone goes through these ups and downs, some more than others, but ultimately, I think we must ask,overall, if we are happy or not.

My answer? Yes, I'm happy. Yes, I do have some sadness that won't go away all too fast, but I have a roof over my head, food that fills my stomach, friends and family that feed my heart and soul, books to feed my intellect, and nature to let my spirit run free.

There will always be things that you look back on in life, but the some things to remember are that everything happens for a reason, God never gives you more than you can handle with Him, God has a plan, and God never ever makes mistakes.

Three words:
Exhausting but fulfilling